Rejection can be freeing

I won't pretend that it doesn't hurt, when those you love refuse to return it.
I can't say that it doesn't bother me when I'm rejected by people that I thought were supposed to love me.
Their reasoning might make absolute sense to others while still completely baffling me. I say I love God, they say I'm  hateful and judgmental. I say I believe in prayer, they say I'm delusional, weak minded and lost.

I say they are probably right on all counts, which is exactly why I pray and turn to God for direction.
I'm accused of thinking I'm better than others, while openly admitting how very flawed I am. I'm not better, I'm just as lost as the rest of the world, the only difference is that I have the greatest shepherd to guide me. I submit to being no good, to needing God to guide me.

I try to remember how I felt reading things like this before my walk began, so I can put myself in the shoes of others but the truth is, I don't want to remember who I used to be.
I'm slowly accepting that even those I've loved the most might walk away from me and never look back, but the sadness I feel from that is not stronger than the love I have for God. You can't issue an ultimatum of you or God because He wins every time.

I don't want to be the person I'd have to be in order for most to love me. I was that person for most of my life, there was nothing good about her. I'm still capable of hurting people, letting them down and making them feel badly, the difference though is that I don't do it on purpose anymore.

The truth is, as much as it hurts when people walk away from me, it has actually improved my life. I no longer wish to have 2 separate lives, one for God and church and the other for family that can't accept or be respectful about any of it.

It doesn't make me a hypocrite to point out others shortcomings because I'm fully aware of my own.
Being a Christian doesn't mean I'm no longer allowed to have opinions, thoughts or feelings about things. It doesn't mean that I won't make mistakes or be dead-wrong. It doesn't mean any of the things you think it does which is 90% of the problem.

I was so tired of tiptoeing around everyone, keeping my beliefs stowed away for fear of yet another argument, and pretending I wanted to be surrounded by people that made me feel so badly all the time.
For each person that's turned their back on me, God has put someone else in my life that fulfills me far greater than anyone that walked away.

I won't pretend it doesn't hurt, that people walked away, but I won't pretend I'm not relieved either.